I'm showing! For serious... but to others I probably look like I just had a heavy meal.  The last few days have been filled with migraines and I'm controlled by insatiable hunger.  I will just have eaten only to want another mini meal.  My cravings have become that where I'm extra picky because I'm hungry.  A lot of things don't seem appealing, but when I want something, it's extremely specific.

I've been thinking a lot about the people I've told and the people I haven't told, and I really have no regrets.  I chose to tell people who check in on me constantly and just see how I'm doing.  The ones who haven't really checked in, I just figure they'll find out when they find out. If anyone has a complaint, then they should reevaluate how often they check in with me as much as they expect to be told.  

A part of me is so excited, I want to announce it to my wider net of social media, but I don't see how that would serve me positively right now.  I want to be surrounded by love and warmth that I know is there for me through the downs.  I guess most of social media is too small superficial for me to feel ready to open that aspect of myself during this journey since I'm still navigating it myself.

I also don't like being told what I should do if I've already stated what my wants and intentions are.  It feels like an added pressure and it seems people are more than willing to do that, especially unsolicited advice.  People like to tell me what they think I should do without even considering my daily experience of migraines and fatigue.  But I guess that's why there's a boundary that I've created for myself to protect my peace.  I'm sure a lot of my traditional family members would down upon me for going to the gym and lifting weights still but that's what actually keeps me feeling good on days I'm physically able to.  I've had to learn the art of picking and choosing what I share.  

I've had people ask if I'm showing yet while standing right in front of me where they can use their own eyes to see and someone I'm completely uncomfortable with touch my stomach from top down just because and it hasn't stopped.  It's like I've become a vessel where I don't exist.

Though there are so many annoyances on top of hormonal changes, I'm so happy to see my belly grow and knowing my baby is in there growing.  I want this little peanut so much more than I could ever have known a want.  When we had our ER scare, I felt 1% of the devastation of what ifs and I can't imagine what those who have endured the worse actually experience and feel.  I'm so afraid but that's quickly forgotten seeing my belly grow and every ultra sound with an updated picture.  

1 more day and we will be at first trimester!!