I realize that because I’m newer to my profession my emotions quickly fluctuate with it. Every bad day feels like a failure and every good day tells me I succeeded. But every job has its bad days. Though I love what I do and strive for the good days, I know this isn’t a healthy relationship to the profession or anything really –– where any one thing can switch my mood up or down. I am trying to train myself to turn it off and leave the day at work but it’s been a difficult balancing act.

I'm not really sure how to do that though.  I teach.  I teach because I love to teach.  I teach because I was once in the shoes of my students and the instructors I've interfaced with changed me, empowered me, and made me feel confident in my abilities.  It's a tall order, but I want students to be empowered by their own struggles and strengths.  From a timid student to a professor, I want to create a space where students feel confident and know they belong and deserve that seat in the classroom, and for their voices to be heard.

With that said, students' moods change as much as anybody.  There are good days and there are bad days.  When I don't get them to engage the way I hope, I feel like I've failed.  When students complain and I hear it enough, it gets to me and I don't think they mean to, but I feel like I'm also trying to show them that your professors are also humans.

I don't know how to walk away from the day and not feel bad if any of these triggers occur.  But I am new to the profession.  I know I still have to find my niche and stand my ground.  The other day I received a parent complaint and I stood my ground.  I realize I have a habit of apologizing when I shouldn't be sorry, so I didn't.  It was a proud moment.  Though I know this is one of my struggles, I know I'll come out with more knowledge and more confidence with time and experience.  There's always a positive to look forward to, even though it may feel like finding a needle in a haystack <3.