In my previous blogpost, I talk about braving and being brave. It's being afraid, but doing it anyways and taking a stance against that fear.  This time, I want to talk about what March has brought to me and the lessons I've learned.  My morale was slowly deteriorating and it was definitely and highly dependent on others.  It waned because I felt like I was dragging and pulling people along and quite frankly, it was tiring.  It drained me.  I had to snap myself out of it, and fortunately it did. 

I applied to Passion Planner's 100,000 community giving and got selected for the youth group I've worked with for the last 14 years.  I was stoked to be able to share this positivity with them in hopes that they would able to utilize that positivity for both a personal and group benefit.  It was a hit, and it felt great to be able to share that.  But Passion Planner also enabled me to protect myself in what I needed for the weeks of which I felt emotionally drained.  It helped me prioritize myself when I needed to and protect my peace from the outside disturbances.  Similarly, I was able to document my triumphs. 

I succeded in doing the thing I feared the most: facing judgement.  I submitted a couple of articles for publishing.  I NEVER do that.  But it's time — time to practice what I preach and face the fear and go for what I want and dream of.  It has to start somewhere.

If one place doesn't want my submission, I'll find another.  I'll keep writing and pursuing better and more ideas.  I find that my first writing piece only motivated my second.  I ended up submitting my two articles on consecutive days.  It was amazing and I couldn't be more proud.  I've been tackling goals and it feels great.  It just took perspective and re-focusing and I guess that's sort of the name of the game right?  We easily get distracted by our surroundings and the unexpected life events.

Health wise, going back to the gym has been like riding a bike, except having to rebuild the muscles I've lost over the time I stopped working out and building.  But my body has proved that I bounce back fairly quickly and I'm fortunate that that's my body type.  I'm already squatting near my PR, and have an overall healthy system and routine that I follow.  When I'm interesting in practicing something new, I put in the work to do the research.  The results are showing and I'm so happy to say that.  I also realize the problem with the gym is that it tends to trigger my anxiety.  I don't really know when this developed, but apparently, I get really anxious around too many people and people in my space.  Chris and I have been experimenting on the best time frames at the gym and I think we figured out what works for us.  I like the gym in that everyone is there to work out and not to socialize.  Someone saw me struggling with a new work out routine and she came over and offered to help.  There are times where I feel a bit like a damsel, but I refuse to ask anyone else for a help except for Chris (the pull machine was set too high by the last person and I can't reach for it to change it lol). I think the anxiety last occurred because I had an issue with personal space due to a traumatic event and then again because of my familiarity with the gym decreased due to my decreased attendance.  I feel pretty good at the gym now whether it's a little bit overcrowded and I feel pretty confident.  It's weird because the gym was my jam once upon a time and I dind't realize I had to rebuild that comfort level.  

Overall, like the title of this blog, March was about diving in.  I set goals, I made a plan, I knocked the to-do list off the plan, and I succeeded.  I'm excited for April.  I hope to continue writing, focusing further on protecting my peace, and enjoying the unexpected moments that I can't plan.  Cheers to a strong 2019 and a positive April!