Video by JamesAVEVO on youtube: James Arthur - Recovery.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9DO3zpdWqw.  I do not own this video.  

I was just talking to a friend a few hours ago about a certain situation and she basically posed one question:

Where do you get your advice from?

I'm not sure if there's an answer for that, but it stumped me.  Lately, I've been meeting people who deeply want to find a romantic relationship because at a certain age, there's this pressure that you're supposed to be living a certain life: married happily with kids, home owner, settled with a job, and maybe have a dog.  But my biggest advice is stop looking- figure out what that void is that makes you think you need more.  Because in reality, I didn't find love - love found me and I was fortunate that it came when it did and that I was in a place to realize that love was presenting me with the biggest and best opportunity in my life.  Yes, it is as amazing as it's supposed to be and more.  However, I wish someone was ther to tell me those exact words: stop looking for love and figure out what that void is that makes you think you need more.  

The relationships I was constantly in and out of were definitely fillers for lack of confidence, depression, self-doubt, confusion, and fear.  As a result, my identity was defined by those relationships, and they were the most toxic relationships.  Granted, they weren't all bad - I did meet some great guys who became decent to good friends or acquaintances over time, but I digress.

Though those relationships are what brought me to where I am today, it was definitely more difficult to fight those inner demons and figure out the emotional roller coasters.  But at the end of the day I made it and I'm stronger for it.  I know exactly who I am, I don't let anyone tell me otherwise, and I'm unafraid to fight and demand to be respected as how I define myself in my own terms.

So to get back to my friend's question, I believe I had to grow up quickly and sooner than most because of the cards I was dealt at such a young age.  I resorted to reading uplifting works and truth be told, writing.  I began journaling at the tender age of 13 when life felt most confusing and it was harder to seek help and guidance and also know who to go to. 

Jeannette Walls', The Glass Castle; Mitch Albom's Tuesday's With Morrie; Oprah Winfrey's What I Know For Sure; and Maya Angelou's Mom & Me & Mom have my approval as great, inspiring, and educational reads.

It took a lot of work, time, and reflection to recover and heal.  But I have to say, words are extremely powerful and healing.  I take it for granted, but it's my biggest haven, savior, and grace.